Sta.sh
I feel that the love
That I had come to rely,
Has been sucked from your lips
As you leave me high and dry.
I'm in a state if confusion
As I try to understand
Your motive of selfless blame
You don't know who I am?
I'm at a loss of words
As you try to convince me of my wrong.
You really can't be serious!
Is it my fault we went so long?
Your heartache and your sadness,
The products of your own betrayal,
You want me to reassure you,
But not look beneath your veil?
You only tell me what I know
And never anything more.
And you still expect me to trust you,
After you broke the vows you swore?
Try to tell me that you love me
And seal it with your tears.
You promise it meant nothing,
It was only the product of your fears...
Apparently you were afraid
That I felt more for another,
You thought you'd beat me to it
And steal away my thunder?
How young do you take me to be
To think that I'd trust that claim!
I've come a long way from that love-sick girl,
Who would always play into your game!
The evidence is clear,
But I'm still completely shocked!
If you really thought me dishonest,
Why wouldn't we have talked?
You see your supposed reasoning is senseless!
I think that you just never really cared!
I was just a passing fad,
And so was everything we shared.
Ad nauseum apologies
On your tongue they can rot!
We both know that your only regret
Is that today, you got caught.
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and The Road Taken. I like that one. Sorry I didn't leave a comment. But yes I like the story
It's very rare for me to find a piece that I think does well with a rhyme scheme, though, so do bear that in mind. For most poems - and this poem is included - I think rhyme schemes force the author into cliched patterns and/or awkward grammatical structure. You manage to escape the cliche pretty well - the veil in particular struck me as an image that could really be played around with/expanded upon - but the grammar was forced. Look at the first two lines:
I feel that the love
That I had come to rely,
'On which I had come to rely' would probably do much better here, but it's just one example of how meters force you into awkward patterns. Try doing some breathing exercises as you write, and breaking the poem along those lines. I think it will greatly help improve the flow of your piece. Still, I like the clarity with which you convey your messages and the clear voice behind all the words
So straight forward and honest, yes.
Before you ask, give at a 6!
You know I always like your poetry.
1 being fun
10 no words possible to describe the greatness.